Bones

Here’s why you might think you’d like Bones:

you like forensics shows

you like strong female protagonists

you like David Boreanaz. (did I even just spell that right.)

Here’s why you really will like Bones:

you like kooky characters and odd science

you believe in the equal rights of women to be just as nerdy as men

you’d pick House over Gray’s Anatomy

you forgave Jared Padelecki and Jensen Ackles their earlier, plebier WB days when they matured into decent parts, and you’d be willing – perhaps – to do the same thing for the, er, eternally maligned Angel

did i mention kooky.

Bones, like House, is blatantly episodic, with plot arcs usually lasting a short time. Both take wicked glee in TMI, and both are very ‘lol just ignore our magical science’. Bones deals less in meta-politics, however, and also takes itself (thank God) a lot less seriously than House. The basic setup: By day, Temperance “Bones” Brennan is a nerdy, crime-fighting anthropologist. By night she’s…. a nerdy, crime-fighting anthropologist. ( Who writes pulp fiction. ) With her band of oddball, crime-fighting anthropologist friends, and her partner, the crusty FBI man with a soft underbelly, she solves the mid-Atlantic’s craziest murders!

I’ve watched Bones ever since the first ep aired last year. I haven’t missed an episode and I can honestly say that out of all the shows I’ve been following for longer than a season, Bones is the only one that has never, ever, even once, disappointed me.

The Characters.

The Heroine

Our heroine, Temperance Brennan, aka Bones. Bones is a surprise – an “unconventionally” pretty (I think she’s beautiful, but it takes you a while to see it), logic-driven uber-feminist whose entire life is her work, the forensic study of bones in a crime lab set up in the middle of the Smithsonian Institute in Washington. Okay, the Jeffersonian, whatever. Bones is anti-social, socially awkward, completely oblivious to pop culture, and obsessed with her job.

Bones has no tact, she hates human psychology, and she’s ridiculously judgmental about random things based on her theory that scientific analysis can provide rational explanations for human behavior. (A theory which oddly years of working in a crime lab have done nothing to diminish.) In her spare time, she writes bestselling forensic crime novels.¹ She’s completely off-putting to a lot of people, but she inspires incredible amounts of loyalty from everyone who knows her.

But despite all that, Bones is incredibly endearing. There’s this unforgettable moment in the very first ep where Bones describes the way the victim died, and without a lot of build-up, that’s the moment you make up your mind about what the hell kind of character this is. It’s when you realize that she cares deeply about the stories she encounters through the cases she works on. She cares so much about people. Even if she does comment on their embarrassing physiology the moment she meets them.

1. The character Bones is actually based on the works of the novelist Cathy Reichs, who unlike the fictional Bones is in her mid-40s and has three grown-up kids. I picked up one of the novels last year and got maybe 40 pages in before giving up because the writing style was so dry and analytical, which is hysterical, because you know if Biones wrote a novel, this is exactly what it would be like. In a double twisty surprise, the heroine of the books Bones writes on the show was recently revealed to be named Cathy Reichs.

The OTP.

Brennan and Booth: the show’s obvious OTP, but you don’t care that it’s blatant and cheesy, and totally in the long and storied tradition of ‘I want my partner but I can’t have them because they’re my partner so let’s just pretend like I don’t feel the way I feel’ crime-solving duos did I mention David Duchovny directed an ep this season, because they’re so warm and cuddly and affectionate together. It’s a pretty subtle dynamic. Oh god but there is this one episode where they go to Las Vegas and it is maybe the greatest fanservice ep I’ve ever seen that wasn’t in Japanese. The Las Vegas ep, it’s like the show is your nerdy next door neighbor, the quiet geeky kid who went wild at a party one night and started a strip tease on the living room table. Oh my god so awesome. I love Bones.

The Hot Chick.

This is Angela. Angela is Dr. Brennan’s best friend, and she’s the anthropological artist on staff in the crime lab. She does facial reconstruction and these nifty that-can-only-happen-on-Fox-network 3-d holograph things. So awesome. I love Angela. Her character is the heart of the entire show – she is luminous, and I literally think that about her in every single episode, “Angela, you are luminous.” She has the most beautiful smile, and a way of looking at the world and life that I really relate to and admire. She is warm and funny and can reach anyone no matter how hardened they are. Everyone loves her. She’s a serious artist but she draws wedding pictures for dead couples who only just met in the afterlife. She’s a romantic and an idealist, and not because she hasn’t been hurt, but because she chooses to believe the best in people, always. She’s just a fabulous character.

Also, she’s extremely hot.

The Nerdboy

Zach, now “Doctor” Addy, who is Bones’ assistant and the cutest geek since Andrew. Zach is also a bone specialist; it’s unclear what motivates him in this field other than a) hello, geekboy, and b) he really seems to love esoteric knowledge. He’s also really smart, really really loves bones (actual ones, i mean), and doesn’t know how to show it without imploding all over himself in fanboy glee. He mostly figures in the show as the resident sidekick, but he seems to like that role best. Zach is shy and unassuming, and nervous and awkward and even more unsure of himself around people than Dr. Brennan. He’s gullible and awesome and he has the most hilarious cameraderie with Hodgins. Also, he seriously loves Dr. Brennan. Oh, Zach. Zach is like this big adorable puppy. Also? Hodgins can get him to do ANYTHING. ♥

“HEY, YOU KNOW THAT SHRUNKEN HEAD IN THE LAB?” “YEAH?” “LET’S PUT IT ON A BALLOON AND BLOW IT UP!!!!” “OKAY!”

Yep. That’s Zach & Hodgins.

The Eccentric

Maybe my favorite character of the show, Hodgins is a conspiracy theorist along the lines of Mel Gibson’s paranoid taxi driver. As he so gleefully proclaims himself time and again, he is “the Dirt and Bug man” of the crime lab. He has a seriously weird obsession with soil. The bug thing is understandable, but knowing more about grass than Wimbledon custodians is just really, really wrong. But he totally makes up for the creepiness by a) not actually being creepy. Usually. b) falling in love with Angela for all the right reasons; c) working at the Jeffersonian purely because he loves it. It’s hinted strongly several times that Hodgins comes from an extremely wealthy family, who are most likely on the board of directors of the Smiths – I mean Jeffersonian, and pulled strings to land him the job. Consequently, Hodgins is a bit paranoid that the other anthrocriminologists don’t see him as one of them, that he bought his way in and therefore has to prove himself to the rest of them. When really, he’s there because he’s brilliant, and his insecurity showing through every now and again against a cocky, confident personality just makes him that much more endearing.

The Brassy Boss

This is Camille Saroyan. Dr. Saroyan is a new addition to the show for the second season. She took a while to really feel at home in the cast, which the show has played extremely well – she has settled into the ensemble gradually and with great finesse. At first you fear that her hardlining, practical style will ruin all the kooky fun. By degrees, however, you realize she’s just as kooky as they are. She is a team player but a very even-handed, practical supervisor. She has a background as a New York cop, and while it is a side I think they have downplayed to great extent given her current desk job, she always gives you the feeling, beneath her extremely gracious demeanor, that she could totally bust a cap in your ass at the least provocation.

The Other OTP

Angela & Hodgins. They are surprising, adorkable, unexpected, and incredibly sweet. I don’t think anyone saw this coming, which just kind of made it more delightful when the development of their relationship turned out to really seal the place these two characters have in our hearts. I totally shipped Zach/Hodgins and Angela/Brennan until the Date episode erased my loyalties. Seriously, best date ever. I want them to never ever break up.

The Hero.

Yep. That’s Angel. I mean Agent Seeley Booth. I never watched Angel, but compared to S2 Buffy, when he mostly moped and scowled a lot and mistook “acting” for “skulking and looking broody”, David Boreanaz has come a long, long way. This character seems to be a really, really natural one for him to play – wise-cracking and sarcastic with a sweet side. I don’t really even associate DB with Buffy anymore, because he basically is this character to me and always will be.

Booth is laidback (except when he’s uptight), calm in a crisis (except when he’s hotheaded), and fiercely loyal. He doesn’t make up his mind about people easily, but when you’re in with Booth, you’re in for good. He has a vaguely dark past that he doesn’t let surface too often, so his character overall serves as a light, steady, much more philosophical and humanized counterpart to the analytical, overly rational Brennan. Booth’s secret is that he loves his job, and pursues it with the same fanatical sense of justice, every bit as much as Bones loves hers.

His other secret is that he loves Bones too. ♥

Bones is not overly smart or overly deep or heavy. It’s as predictable as Veela!Draco. You know exactly what you’re going to get. The opening scene: discover the body. Hijinks ensue! But Bones always lives up to and often surpasses expectations. When it’s exciting and suspenseful, it’s REALLY suspenseful. There have been some eps that just blew me away with how fabulously paced and intense and well-executed they were. Like the show is going, “Yeah, we could be as gripping as 24 or as high-intensity as CSI, but LOL WE DON’T WANT TO BE HEY LET’S DISSECT AN ALLIGATOR!”

Bones is the media equivalent of finding a really good writer of plebefic on ff.net. A writer you know you will read over and over again.

Bones airs Monday nights at 9pm EST on Fox.